Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
