This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
