Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
