arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
