I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
