Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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