The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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