I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
