those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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