I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
