When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
