If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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