I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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