I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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