real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
