maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
