i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
