I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
