Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
