Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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