and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
