people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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