I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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