using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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