That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
