I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
