well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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