I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
