I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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