you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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