I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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