Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
