mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
