so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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