Sacagawea was the original milf.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
