Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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