You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
