Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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