Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
