i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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