Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
