then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
