Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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