Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
