what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
