Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
