I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
