I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
