someone get that fucking seahorse.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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