ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
too bad you live with your parents still
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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