the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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