so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
