we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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