two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
