Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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