My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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