Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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