new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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