i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
