He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
