i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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