My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
