It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
