You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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