i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
