are you so shy because you have an std?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
