I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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