I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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