there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
