): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
