I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smell my finger.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
