Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
