I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am one with the molecules
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
