I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
