I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
