It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
