Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
