I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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