I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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