i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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