I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
